Where you been, sis?
It has been a minute, ain't it?? It's crazy when I think about how it's been a little over six months since I have been actively present and "seen" within my business. Especially considering the plans and goals I had outlined for myself and my business when I did my vision board at the start of this year. So what happened?
Life. Life happened. And I did not have systems, procedures, back up plans, motivation, routine, etc. to keep everything in my life going at full speed. So, I had to put some things on the back burner to make sure my top priorities were taken care of and handled. Between my 9-5 job, the kids and their 50-11 activities, my husband overseas playing Army, my health and fitness journey, my hobbies, my personal care, trying to get out of debt, learning how to fix an electric sofa lol - it all took a priority over the business these past six months. And though I am sad and disappointed I didn't get to do all the things or meet the goals I wanted within my business, this hiatus gave me something unexpected - perspective.
**😅LONG BLOG ALERT😅**
You see all of those things came before my business because I was at a point where I was already doubting myself within the business. Growing up, I was never the one who envisioned themselves being an entrepreneur. Even now, I still struggle with saying aloud or fully believing I'm entrepreneur. I didn't go to school for this. I don't have certifications, credentials, specialized knowledge, etc. Like if there was a resume for owning a business - my shit would be blank......or so, I thought (more on that later). So when all these other things came up in my life, it was easy for me to discount the business and put it to the side. It didn't help that the latest round of fabric didn't sell well, PayPal thinking my business was potentially fraudulent and was STILL holding my money from MONTHS ago, a bunch of fabric orders from late 2021 were still missing with USPS/UPS and they were giving me the run around and a couple of commissioned artwork and samples had done were not panning out the way I wanted. Looking back, all of this is just a part of having a business but back in the moment when it was happening in February 2022 - I was overwhelmed especially considering my husband was gearing up to go overseas and I was about to be solo present parenting again.
Sometimes I think I attempt to minimize everything that is going on around and to me in an effort to make it all seem like it's not a big deal or that it is not affecting me. And what generally happens is that one day I look up and I literally can't. Like I can't. The weight of all just envelopes all around me and I just retreat to my little own corner to re-charge and just be. And it seemed as though when I came from my little corner, it's like all the other pieces of me: the wife, the mother, the financial analyst, the sewist, the stepper, etc. came out ready to tackle the world but Queenora the business owner was like "naw, I'm good in my corner"
So, what changed? What made Queenora the business owner come from out of the corner? My support system. Between my husband, my kids, BWS and my friends - they all were the main characters in getting her to come back out to play. Have you ever had people who believe in you, what you can do and what you offer more than you do? That was me and I'm not going to lie - I was disappointed in myself about it. There's that meme or saying that no one will ride for you or believe in you more than you. Well, clearly that phrase was not referring to me. Because my support system was out there ride or dying for me and my ass wasn't even in the car. So I had to take some time to sit with myself and figure out why. Why was I counting myself out so easily? Why was I doubting myself in this aspect of my life? Why was I not aligning with the vision I saw for myself earlier this year?
I would love for this blog to say I figured it all out but that would be a lie. However comma what I can say is that I know and understand it is based partly in fear, partly in imposter symptom, partly in self-doubt, partly in I don't even know yet lol But now knowing some of the reasons, I am actively working on fixing those things so that I can achieve my goals and be even greater than the person I see myself as.